i don't update this anymore because i am an angel and i flew away to the southwest of france to be a gardener. i like it better outdoors than on the internet.

you should try it too.

on the fox 10 oclock news tonight, they have tips on how to do your makeup to look like a stripper.

i still don't get why they were mad at janet...

Date:	2004-02-13 16:58
Subject:	recent email i sent...
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

Hey People,

This is just a reminder that I need you to get me any CASH receipts that you have for business related expenses. Went to Tower and paid with you quarter stash? You can claim that but I need the receipt! Take a business associate out to dinner and pay in a stack of $100 bills so as to seem more bling-blingy? Give me that receipt and all will be well.

You business tax returns are due March 15th so I need these ASAP.

Thanks!

Tank

Date:	2004-02-13 10:55
Subject:	it never works out the way you want it
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

i wish someone would IM me so they could see my amazing away message. but as reek just pointed out, no one is IMing me because they think i am away...

i am about to start a huge rant on Proper Site™ about disinformation and HPV but before i do, i was researching some things about virii. my main point is that, by their very nature, virii are incurable but i wanted to be certain that was correct before i said it and i don't have my books anymore, (all on their way to france already, weeee for them!), to check there...

anyway, i came across the most HILARIOUS thing ever:

"If a pig is ill with porcine flu and then eats droppings from an avian-virus-infected goose the result is a new cross-species flu virus, with the outer lining of a pig and the inner viral core of a goose, which spreads from central China around the world and usually kills about 100,000 or more each year in the U.S."

you people are LOONIES!!!

Date:	2004-02-11 15:55
Subject:	very important question
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious

does it make me a really bad person that yesterday i picked a BIG beaugie out of my nose, a lovely juicy one, then wiped it on my cats nose and watched her eat it?

well, does it..?

Date:	2004-02-10 20:42
Subject:	priorities...
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

is it normal, when starving hungry, to say, ahhh fuck it, i am going to the bar instead to find my beer muse so i can write my love letter to mike..?

Date:	2004-02-10 09:07
Subject:	wibble wobble
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

i am officially fat. i couldn't fit into a pair of trousers just a moment ago. not even if i breathed in and acted like the crazy ladies did in the 80's with the skin tight jeans. you might as well just call me blubber blimp.

Date:	2004-02-09 15:02
Subject:	feeding frenzy
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed

i think food is angry with me, or, i think food loves me more than life itself. reason, you ask? well, every time i eat, i get high in someway. the pizza made me mad and this vegan general tso's "chicken" is making me spin out...

Date:	2004-02-08 16:58
Subject:	mind blowing decisions
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i have decided that when i win the nobel peace prize, i am going to make noah grey be my official photographer. i hope he's got lots of rolls of film ready, because i'm a stunner!!!

Date:	2004-02-07 11:02
Subject:	the 23 million euro question
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

when you brush your hair, it's not supposed to make a chuh chuhchuh chuuuh chuh snap noise, is it..?

Date:	2004-02-06 20:33
Subject:	i'm so wide open aka the remix post
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic

so what the hell am i supposed to do now..? it is only 8.31pm EST and i am already drunk AND i have completed this evening's mission of remaking some contemporary pop songs. i mean really, what is the fucking point of life now..? I'VE HAD IT, STICK A FORK IN IT BABY AND TURN IT OVER, I'M DONE.

i suppose that really i should showcase my talent on my Proper Site™, but i have the NEED to share my glory and grandeur right now and me and Proper Site™ broke up. so, fuck that batch and, ahem, i bring to you:

beyonce's me, myself and i. it just so happens that EST produced this and this is the ONLY beyonce track that i have ever liked. coinkidink? i think not. i knew i liked EST for a reason...

kayne west's slow jam. although i have neither a light or a dark skinned friend that looks like michael jackson, i DO consider this a culturally relevant song.

biggie's big poppa. who gives a shit that i misspelled big poppa earlier, just listen to me croon.

you can hump my leg now if you wish.

Date:	2004-02-06 17:44
Subject:	east and west UNITE!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy

finally, a real reason to blog: david hasselhoff believes he should get more street cred over ending the cold war.

"I find it a bit sad that there is no photo of me hanging on the walls in the Berlin Museum at Checkpoint Charlie," he told the magazine.

now that's just creepy and further proof of the arrogant insanity of americans...

Date:	2004-02-06 17:21
Subject:	a la le pee pee hole songs
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

since i am Saving for France™, i decided that i am going to spend my friday night, not at a bar, but at home doing contemporay renditions of modern songs. beyonce's me, myself and i is Top Priority™.

Date:	2004-02-06 15:47
Subject:	Who I Love™
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched

the geegy monster just left to go to LA for the grammys. usually, when he goes to fancy things like this, i give him a message for The One I Love™.

today though, today i forgot who i love and so i had to give a message for the default loves of johnathon depp and anthony keidis.

what's the bet i remember Who I Love™ in about 23 seconds..?

Date:	2004-02-06 14:53
Subject:	i wish i had a camera right now...
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

i lost AIM service and got tragically bored so i started stapling things to my hair. it's FUN!!!

Date:	2004-02-06 14:44
Subject:	i'm a medical marvel!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	jubilant

i'm high and i believe it is from all the pizza i just ate. i got high off cheese! i am a medical miracle!!!

Date:	2004-02-06 13:47
Subject:	oh HELLS to the NO
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

okay, so about 2 weeks ago, i noticed that i had mysteriously put on 20lbs. i couldn't figure it out as i have stayed at the 123lb mark for years and years now.

well, i was just reading pandoradea's LJ and i see that she has magically got 20lbs fatter too and i also see that she is craving a luna bar.if she is craving a luna bar it means she eats lots of luna bars and about a month ago i started eating at least one a day.

CONCLUSION FOLKS: luna bars are the DEVIL and only eat them if you are emaciated.

you know how alice in chains sang about your drug of choice? well mine is koku except i no longer refer to her as koku, only as kokes.

when reek and i went to get a toner cartridge from staples earlier, he said "brother 1850".

you know how people use time to express a coordinate? well i thought he meant there was a Brother™ stood at ten to seven.

swiftly after saying "where?" i realised he meant the model toner i needed to buy.